Archive for September, 2010

So, Andy and LiLo walk into a bar…

September 29th, 2010

Weird, weird dream last night. I dreamt I was in some three-flat in Chicago, and was waiting in line to try some new designer drug. (Hey, Mom and Dad, and any law enforcement professionals: The strongest recreational drug I take these days is Bud Light.)

Wanna guess who was sitting next to me? Well, of course it was Lindsay Lohan. Who else would also be in line for that sort of thing?

Apparently, though, I wasn’t sold on the whole psychedelic experience, because I spent quality time trying to convince LiLo to ditch the entire scene. Eventually, I was able to come to a sort of bargain: She’d give up on the drug, and we’d go back to my place and make out.

Wait. Stop. You can make all the choking noises you want, but let’s be real: Lindsay still cleans up really well. Also, she’s the pale freckled type I really enjoy. No coincidence, La is as well. And what of La in all this? Who knows? I think my brain was working on the assumption that I was still living in Chicago, which meant pre-La. (Har! Get it? Because… oh, never mind.)

So. The awesome lure of my sex convinced Lindsay Lohan to give up on drugs, though the alarm went off as soon as the deal was struck, so I suppose it’s true she went into rehab after I performed my civic duty.

Trying to Get Back into the Saddle

September 27th, 2010

I haven’t written in a couple of weeks now.

Okay, I suppose that’s not entirely true. I wrote a sympathy card to Doug’s parents, and a much lamer entry into the guestbook we passed around at his memorial. I’ve written thank-yous to a number of people who made it possible for me to get to said memorial.

Still, all of that meant a break from the writing I really want to do, the long-form fiction. So what if the first novel has so far rated next to no interest from agents? It’s in the bag, and I can resume sending queries whenever. It will happen, sooner or later.

Meanwhile, the new ideas are scrabbling their ways around my head. I’ve done some work, knocked out a few early chapters, found myself exploring at least three of the main characters. Now they want more of my attention. They want to know what happens next, whether they’ll make it to the end or be killed off. Yeah, there will be some killing. The first time around, I thought love might be interesting to explore. Now I’ve got an idea that lends itself to a bit darker subject matter.

I won’t lie, I’m a little relieved at that. For one thing, I love that stuff. Everything’s more interesting with ghosts. Hell, it was all I could do not to put ghosts into Underneath It All. (Instead, I let the main characters “appear” as ghostly figures in each others’ memories, to snark on what they found there. It’s a nice effect, if I do say so myself, so… more incentive to resume the agent search.)

For another (and more mercenary) thing, supernatural sells right now. Easily half of the agent rejection letters I’ve received mention their focus shifting to supernatural romance, supernatural action, supernatural mystery… you see the pattern. Just look at the AbsoluteWrite.com forums. The folks often post cover captures of their published works, and if you can’t find a vampire or a scantily clad yet futuristic woman holding a sword, you’re not looking hard enough. I’m not knocking their efforts, but I am kicking myself for not going with my instincts and exploring the supernatural first.

Because, yes, selling a book is easier once you’ve sold a book. And selling a first novel is easier if it follows the current well-traveled path. And right now, that path involves, apparently, angst-ridden vampires who bed voluptuous librarians while solving crime. Something like that.

Rambling now. To those over the past few weeks who read the first chapter of Underneath It All and told me how much you liked it: Thank you! Here’s hoping we all see more of it soon. Heck, if it’s still unsold by Christmas, I’m inclined to post more online. In the meantime, I’ll be spending evenings and weekends on the new project.

In Remembrance: Doug Bastianelli

September 20th, 2010

The last thing I said to Doug Bastianelli was blasphemous.

That was okay by Doug. We’d been friends for six years, more than half my time in Chicago. Almost all of my time in Chicago. When there’s Chicago, there’s Doug. I was comfortable being blasphemous around him. He still labeled himself as Catholic. “Lapsed,” sometimes, but all the better to appreciate my blasphemy.

Doug was not a saint. He was petty, and he was often grumpy, and he was sometimes annoying, and he had a penchant for — just as the day was getting good — drinking so much that the rest of us had to stop and take care of him. I talked with our mutual friend Jenny last night, and she talked about his love for life and his constant goodness, and while I agreed at the time, that wasn’t all of Doug. He was human. That made him better than a saint.

Still, Doug was better than me. For all the days I just wanted to hunch in self-pity at the end of the Dark Horse bar, he would walk in — huge grin splitting his goatee — envelop me in a bear hug and forcibly make me laugh. For all the times I would whine about some girl being too good for me, he would tell me, “You are a handsome, amazing man.” Then he’d cast an eye toward my wardrobe and tell me what might make me more handsome. I’d have gotten sick of it after the second time, snapped at the person annoying me, changed the subject. He was too patient for that. Too giving.

I used Doug a lot. A lot of times, I needed that boost to my self-esteem. Sometimes, I just didn’t want to drink alone. It was rare when he wouldn’t make time for me.

There’s so much more to say. All morning, I’ve been thinking about my Chicago stories and realizing almost all of them involve Doug. Every Pride parade. Most days at the Dark Horse. Football at the Union. Wine nights. Cubs games. Thanksgivings for those of us stuck in Chicago without family. The time he used unwitting me as man-bait, the time he introduced me to one of life’s great loves, the time he made me an amazing going-away brunch.

I missed him when I left Chicago, and I hear he missed me, but man, was I wrapped up in my new life. See where this is going? He called a lot. I would shoot back a quick text. I finally wised up, and we made plans to have Thanksgiving at my parents’ place. He was giddy. Literally clapping while we talked.

Doug passed the night of Sept. 18. He wasn’t ill; he certainly wasn’t frail. He just… passed on.

Earlier Saturday, he texted to say he and a mutual friend were going to the Dark Horse. What did I want him to drink in my honor?

I called back, for once, but got his voicemail. I told him the name of my regular beer. “But,” I said, “for each glass, you have to say, ‘Take and drink; do this in remembrance of me.’” A Communion joke. I never heard back, but I bet he did it, and I bet he laughed.

Why I write: Ideas

September 14th, 2010

It’s been a long weekend, one that had me unable to do much of anything yesterday despite a growing To-Do list.

Not on the list, but always on my mind: Write. Write write write.

Right now, I’m not writing. Right now, I’m trying to sell something I’ve written, and that to me is frustrating work. Oh, I understand why the system is the way it is. Throughout the process of writing my first novel, I heard the cliched “Oh, I wrote a book once; it’s in a box under my bed” sort of sentiment. I bet it wasn’t always in that box, though. That person — those hundreds of people, just in my life, and so those thousands of people, or hundreds of thousands worldwide — dreamed of that book sitting alongside Stephen King and Dan Brown at their local Barnes & Noble.

It’s a good dream. I worked as research assistant on two non-fiction books. I wrote parts of them, interviewed people for them, spent hours on the phone sussing information out of often-reluctant sources. In the end, I got to hold each and marvel at my name on the cover of a hardback. There’s no real way to describe the feeling, though I imagine (and soon will know) fatherhood is much the same.

Back to those books under the bed, though. Let’s be honest, most of them can’t have been good. And so there’s a system in place wherein writers query agents, who must act as gatekeepers to the publishing houses.

That’s where I am, that maddening but necessary step in the process. Querying is a mix of luck and guesswork. What’s your genre? Okay, that’s relatively easy to figure out. Done. Now, which agents rep that genre? Plenty of sites online provide that information, though I’ve found it’s sometimes inaccurate. Got a list? Great. Now flail blindly. There’s very little way to tell, you see, whether a query letter is hitting the wrong notes, is including not enough or too much information, is presenting the work in a marketable way or is just plain bad. You can have other writers critique, and sometimes even agents, but in the end it’s a bit less than an educated guess.

Most important, it takes attention. It takes time and focus. You need to know who’s repping, what they’ve done, what’s selling, what’s being made into movies, what markets are saturated and on and on and on. Fun? Sure, for the first few weeks. And then…

And then the ideas creep in. “Write me!” shrills a plotline inspired by a bumper sticker. “Come on, buddy, write a few pages of me,” grunts a lighthearted superhero deconstruction. “I’m next,” insists a sultry supernatural thriller.

That’s why I write. The ideas won’t stop. I love them all. I want to explore them. I want to meet the characters and follow them into tangled plots and see how the world changes around them.

But, I have to resist them. I have to, right now, dance with the one what brung me. I have to devote the time to selling this book, and then I’ll let myself move on to the next. So: Someone rep my book! The ideas are piling up, and nobody here wants my head to explode, do we?

Next: Adventures in Flailing, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Query Process.

That ever-awkward first post

September 10th, 2010

The first line of any story is the most important, so… aw, crap. I’ve just wasted the first line. And the second. And… crap.

This is that awkward first post, where I don’t know you and — more important — you don’t know me. You haven’t decided whether to keep reading. You don’t know whether I expect you to laugh or cry or buy everything on my Amazon wishlist. Meanwhile, I don’t have much of an idea of what I want to express here, and how much. Don’t worry; stick with me, and we’ll get through this together. In return, I promise to make it worth your time.

Here’s what I can tell you: I’m a lifelong writer and sometimes editor who lives in one of Texas’ last few liberal strongholds. I share a house with my fiancee La, our still-embryonic son Squishy, our dogs Gus and Li’l Bit and, representing our back yard, some wild toads — Stella and T-Pain. I’ve written one novel, for which I’m currently seeking an agent, and have (at the moment) four others in various stages of percolation.

There’s more to come. In the meantime, go read the morsels of other writing I have posted and will continue to post to the site. I’ll see you again tomorrow, I hope.